In today’s fast-paced world, we’re constantly bombarded with messages telling us to “stay positive,” “just smile,” "mind over matter", or “look on the bright side.” While there’s nothing wrong with optimism, it becomes harmful when it turns into toxic positivity, a pressure to be happy no matter what.
You might’ve felt this yourself: you’re going through something heavy, but instead of being met with empathy, you hear, “Well, at least you have a job,” or “Everything happens for a reason.” Suddenly, your very real emotions feel like they don’t belong.
Let’s break this down. What toxic positivity is, how it affects your emotional wellbeing, and what to do instead.
What Is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how difficult a situation is, you should only focus on the positive. It’s the “good vibes only” mindset that leaves no room for the real emotions of grief, anger, frustration, or even confusion.
It dismisses the complexity of being human. And more often than not, it causes us to suppress our true feelings instead of processing them. It’s the denial, minimization, or invalidation of authentic emotional experiences in favor of an always smiling, everything-is-fine exterior.
It tells you:
🛑 “Don’t cry, everything happens for a reason.”
🛑 “You should be grateful, others have it worse.”
🛑 “Just focus on the bright side.”
🛑 "You are what you think."
Sound familiar?
Examples of Toxic Positivity
Here are a few real-world examples you may have experienced or witnessed:
- Telling someone who’s grieving, “At least they lived a long life.”
- Dismissing anxiety with “Just don’t think about it.”
- Responding to burnout with “You just need to meditate more.”
- Ignoring your own sadness because you “should” be happy
- It sounds well-intentioned, but it bypasses the emotional reality of the moment.
Toxic Positivity From Within
This isn’t just something society does to us, we also internalize it.
You might hear your inner voice say:
“I shouldn’t feel this way.”
“I have nothing to complain about.”
“I just need to think positive.”
"If I just keep pushing through, things will get better."
That’s toxic positivity showing up as self-invalidation. And over time, it chips away at your self-trust, self-worth, and emotional resilience.
What Toxic Positivity Isn’t
Let’s be clear: toxic positivity is not the same as healthy optimism.
Healthy optimism allows space for pain while still believing in the possibility of healing.
Toxic positivity skips the feeling part entirely and pretends everything is fine.
Real emotional growth doesn’t happen through avoidance — it happens through acknowledgement.
The Danger of Toxic Positivity
When we’re constantly told to stay positive, we begin to:
- Suppress emotions, rather than express them
- Avoid discomfort, which prevents growth
- Increase internal stress, by pretending we’re okay when we’re not
And this can lead to:
- Anxiety
- Emotional numbness
- Disconnection from ourselves and others
Toxic Positivity on a Personal Level
Toxic positivity can show up as:
- Hiding your emotions to be “strong” for others
- Smiling through burnout
- Feeling ashamed for needing rest, support, or space
- Thinking you should “have it all together” by now
- If this resonates… you’re not alone. This conditioning runs deep — especially for women.
Toxic Positivity and Those We Love
Sometimes, we unknowingly invalidate others:
- Telling a friend “It’ll all work out!” when she’s venting
- Rushing someone to move on from heartbreak
- Minimizing your child’s emotions with “You’re fine!”
We do this because we don’t know what else to say, it's habit. But what people need most is your presence, not meaningless words and empty phrases.
Toxic Positivity and Society
From Instagram quotes to workplace culture, toxic positivity is embedded in how we interact. We're praised for being “resilient,” even when we’re quietly falling apart.
We're encouraged to “stay strong,” instead of being encouraged to feel.
This societal pressure can be damaging, especially for women who are expected to carry everything with a smile.
So how do we break free from toxic positivity?
As a wellness coach here’s what I teach my clients, and what I practice myself:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
- You can’t heal what you won’t feel.
- Start by naming your emotions without judgment.
- Sad. Angry. Disappointed. Tired.
- Let it be okay.
2. Practice Empathy (with yourself & others)
You’re allowed to not be okay — and so is everyone else.
Instead of rushing to “fix” emotions, offer empathy:
“That sounds really hard. I’m here.”
“I feel this deeply.”
“This matters.”
3. Learn to Reframe (not bypass)
Instead of “Everything happens for a reason,” try:
“This is hard — and I trust I’ll get through it.”
That’s not bypassing. That’s resilience with compassion.
4. Challenge Toxic Beliefs
Pay attention to thoughts like:
“I should be over this by now”
“Crying makes me weak”
"Gently ask: “Is that true?”
You’ll often find the answer is no.
5. Prioritize Real Self-Care
Not just baths and green juice — real self-care looks like:
- Saying no
- Resting without guilt
- Asking for help
- Making space for your emotional reality
6. Seek Support
You don’t have to go through this alone.
Toxic positivity may seem harmless, but it disconnects us from the very emotions that make us human.
Your pain is not a problem.
Your feelings are not too much.
You are allowed to feel and still be whole.
If you’re ready to trade pressure for peace, and perfection for presence — I’d love to walk by your side and help you through your journey.
If your heart is whispering “I need this”… listen. The Wellness Gym is my 1:1 coaching space created just for women like you — women who are ready to stop pretending and start feeling again.
Together, we’ll gently unpack the burnout, soften the self-pressure, and build a rhythm of care that feels nourishing, sustainable, and true to you. You don’t have to do this alone.
✨ Apply today if you're ready to come home to yourself — one breath, one truth, one aligned step at a time.
With love and wellness,
Crystal
